Reggie can tackle my bush.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
