I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
