Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
They have beer where we have blood.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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