Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
