it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
