Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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