Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
