woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
