Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
