When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
