he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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