my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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