I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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