I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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