I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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