I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
