Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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