His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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