woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
