I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
