hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
