He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
