You work out of a Hotel?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
