Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
