Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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