i need an iv and a liver transplant
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize