so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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