I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
