I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
