The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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