i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
