dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
