I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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