4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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