I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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