Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
