She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
