I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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