She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
