It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
