I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
sex in a hospital.. check
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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