you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
