would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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