i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
