We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
