Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
