All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
nutella sex= disaster
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
