We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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