meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
