While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
