cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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