She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I love having hate sex.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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