I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
