and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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